The Appeal of Mrs Toogood

Amateur adventures in orcharding


  • Down this Way Lies Wonder

    Working for almost two evenings a week and pretending to look after apple trees can take it out of a soul so recently I decided to get away from it all. I booked a week in a reasonably priced cottage and set off for a holiday on Holy Island. There was a bit more planning… Continue reading

  • Crab Apple Elegy

    Quit your griping. I know my placeNeglected rosy stepchildToo generous for respectToo tart for loveBut come back when your horny trees are yearningWhen blossom proper’s long since goneAye, that’s me. I’ll still be here.Don’t forget to tip your waiter. Ok, fair enough; I’m not much of a poet but someone should write poetry about crab… Continue reading

  • New Life by an Old River

    My dream has always been to find apple trees in the wild and to transplant them somehow into my orchard near Louth. It would be nice to find a variety thought lost but the chances are remote and these days I’d be happy just to add a tree I think looks nice. There’s one near… Continue reading

  • The Great Wassail Swindle

    Wassailing is an ancient tradition that is enjoying a bit of a resurgence these days. In times of yore, groups of people would parade through towns and villages singing songs and serenading the Wassail Queen (some historians would have you believe it laid the foundations for what was to become carol singing). Eventually the bevvied… Continue reading

  • First Cider Brew

    Last year’s harvest felt at the time like a bumper crop. Spindly branches heaved with fruit, bending low to the ground and offering easy pickings to the local wildlife. I’m all for sharing the wealth but the critters would never finish one apple before moving on to the next. Frustrated, I enlisted family and friends… Continue reading

  • A New False Dawn

    Writer’s note: this post is a summary of all the nonsense that has gone before. Don’t waste precious time reading it if you’ve been around for a while. Some years ago, my dad took early retirement from the offices of the local district council with a decent lump sum and, I think it’s fair to… Continue reading

  • Nothing to See Here

    Most of my trees are heaving with infant apples. Branches that I should have pruned in the winter are bending under the strain and resting their loads on the ground for the local rabbits. A few of them look like they might be about to give in under the weight. The apples are so closely… Continue reading

  • The Green Man and Me

    I’ve told a lot of people about this blog and my orchard over the last few years, always pretending to protest that they won’t be interested but secretly desperate to bang on about my passion project. Normally, what happens after I’ve explained the vagaries of finding trees in the wild is that they smile and… Continue reading

  • Pork Pies and Poldark

    After an eighteen-month absence there is a lot of work that needs doing to bring the orchard up to a respectable standard. It doesn’t take a Level 3 Certificate in Orcharding (available from the Permaculture Association) to spot that the trees have been neglected. Branches swing and cross haphazardly from leaning trunks, and everywhere you… Continue reading

  • A Sort of Homecoming

    It’s been a while since I last visited my orchard. Maybe a double while, if that’s a thing. Back in the cold, dark days of January last year I went a-wassailing round the trees with a friend of mine but instead of blogging about it I sent it off to The Poacher magazine and braced… Continue reading

Years gone by

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About Me

I’ve been writing about orchards and Lincolnshire heritage apples for over five years and still don’t know my arse from my elbow. This blog is supposed to be an almost humorous record of my attempts to raise apple trees in a field just outside Louth. Mrs Toogood is just one of the lost varieties I probably won’t find.

March 2026
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